Understanding Bollywood

*Its just for fun blog. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Pakistanis and Indians are just the same, which also includes me. So just take it lightly and keep smiling*

This is a lecture by Prof.Dr. Madnut. The least qualifications for understand this is to have atleast a ten episode experience of Naruto Shippuden and some basic knowledge of Bollywood.

Intro: I hate Indian movies. Maybe its because they are all love stories and maybe that the first love story I came across was Twilight Saga. But the truth is that I hate everything Indian (mostly in cricket fever days). Don’t get me wrong, I am not a racist (Or maybe I am, as long as Pak-India cricket is concerned)

So why am I writing this? Its not a good question, but now that I have asked it, I will tell you how it all started.

It all started because indians are foolish, ugly and dumb and ugly. They have nothing else to do but to watch anything in the cinema, that they find. (Did I mentioned that, its because they are dumb? yes I did and they are ugly too). As the Pakistanis were also Indians once, so most of them  are still in the same state of mind (they think they are indians. Or maybe they don’t. How am I supposed to know, what other people think). These people first watched an indian movie (ie. ‘film’) because it was rated high in india. I repeat ”rated high in india” (seriously you can’t come up with a more lame excuse than this). They kept watching films like this and so got used to it, that their brain have lost the sense of active thinking, all their brain knows is that “all indian films are awesome”. Thus every time  they watch an indian film, their brain tells them that it was awesome. (Here their brain speak like a bored and retarded husband.. “you are looking great. great. . whatever”)

To prove the mysteries of bollywood first we suppose that:

  • All the cast, specially the hero and heroin are ninjas.
  • All such movies are shot in the Naruto-world.
  • This world lies parallel to our world. (That explain the similarity of earthly locations)
  • The popularity level and chakra level of an actor are inter-dependent and directly proportional
  • Adding ‘Khan’ to you name gives you enhanced chakra. (Its like choosing the dark side)

How is that everyone in the background knows the dance steps?

Actually both hero and heroin use multiple-shadow-clone-jutsu. Later each of their clones use transformation-jutsu, and transform into some random people. Thus everyone knows the moves.

How will you explain the exact same moves sometimes?

yes, sometimes everyone move like a mirror image of each other. How they know that the others are going to do this move at the exact same time. This can be explained by the shadow-possession-jutsu. Here the leader uses this jutsu to possess all his/her clones thus all move like mirror images of each other.

Why can’t 50+ gangsters with machine-guns can’t kill a barehanded hero?

It often happens that hero fights 55-65 evil guys who are firing continously with ak47, and don’t even get a wound. This is because the nin-jutsu casted by the hero. What they see is the illusion of the hero and start firing madly on it. Meanwhile hero kills them without getting a scratch.

Why do the 100rs fighter stops the stick one inch before hitting the hero?

This is because of the mind-destruction-jutsu. The attacker thinks that a force is stopping him to hit the target. His mind tells him that he is unable to hit the hero.

Okay, I am out of ideas for now.  Ask as many questions as you like and I will try to explain them. (Maybe)

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