Summer, opening ceremony

Here is a fun little moment on a Friday. This morning at breakfast, a fly dived in my brother’s tea. My father commented, so the summer have officially started. To which my brother replied, this one gave his life as a ritual sacrifice so the other flies can have a great summer. So yes, consider it an opening ceremony with the ritual sacrifice and everything.

Btw I have decided on the names finally. The old one is Steve Rogers, the friend you can rely on. This new laptop from now will be Bucky Barns, more powerful but a bit rogue. Just this morning I was trying to download Black Flag and although it was downloading fine, it kept saying, ‘there is no connection”. Like an atheist defying the existence of God, while reaping all the benefits of the world. Or maybe it means that it is okay with enjoying perks from the router but doesn’t think there is any ‘serious’ connection. In that case, I don’t know if I am okay spending time with a computer that objectifies routers like this. Well, technically, they are objects to begins with…. wait, does saying that makes me one of them too? Bucky’s is spoiling me and it’s only been a few hours. Laters 🙂

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Question of a Cup

So a friend and I were at RFD Saddar to get some Falooda Doodh after a wasteful day and there came this beggar, hardly older than us, saying, bahi aik cup mujay b lay dow. Broke as we mostly are at the end of any day, we couldn’t buy him any. And man, he did not look happy. Like it was his right and we held it from him. So when we left, he followed us, saying things like, pait kharab ho, yeh pe kay qai motion lagain, hafta aram na aay.

We were trying hard not to laugh when my friend leaned towards me and said, “wow… that escalated quickly.” I could’t keep it in and burst into laughter. Maybe he took offend. I didn’t mean to. Still we weren’t going to get him one, even if we had money, after he threatened us with baad-dua. Anyway I feel safe posting it now that it’s been a week and we are both fine, alhamdulillah. I will mention this if I see him again.

So yeah, life’s haven’t been that interesting lately. Till laters 🙂

The Summer of Kulfi

It’s summer and daily kulfi is a must but have you noticed how these kulfi wallay have strategically placed their stands and carts to exploit our weakness for kulfi for more sales. I mean the time you finish one, which leaves you wanting for more, there is another cart right in front of you. What amazes me is how even if you are walking or driving, they know where your kulfi will finish? This must have been possibly only after extensive research involving the melting speed of a kulfi in summers and the average walking and driving distance one can cover in that time. This research presumably is the basic of rairi-wali-kulfi taking over. They may have beaten others in accessibility but nothing beats the taste of original Yummy’s Shahi Kulfi that used to come in smaller white wooden boxed-shaped icecream carts. That was the original kulfi that we all have grown to love and we had so many over the years that it is kinda part of our DNA now. After school, a summer day was incomplete without that shahi kulfi. It triggers all the right taste buds in your mouth and who can blame it, its shahi kulfi, it has to be good. Have it been awami kulfi we would have let it slide. Anyway a month ago a shop opened not far from our place and they have all the best and widest variety of kulfis and yes that includes the glorious shahi kulfi. Heck it is right at the spot van drops me on the way home from uni. So basically there is no fighting it, they have found my kryptonite. It wouldn’t surprise me if this summer turns into the summer of kulfi for me, like lassi last year, and to that I say bring it on. Laters 🙂

The cockroach who lived

Summer 2015, I was showering when something brushed against my toe. My eyes shifted instantly to find a cockroach running for his life. Contrary to what some people I know may think, I do not fear cockroaches. I find one, I kill one. That time however I was so disgusted by it and my skin was doing that think it does when something creepy touches you and I could not squash that hit and run convict in time. He got away. I am saying he although it could be a she, but I don’t want the first non-mehrum brushing against my toe be a cockroach so. Anyway, after that day he remained in the shadows, never to return to the surface. But I know the little thing.  He looked like one planny sicko. Bet he touched my toe on purpose. So he married soon after and had a lot of children. Then his children had even more children and he soon found himself telling hundreds of his grand children about our encounter. Of course he would have boasted, he was just like that, telling them how he battled with me as I threw chappals at him and tried to kill him with a broom but he got away due to his speed and bravery. Now there, right there is a generation of cockroaches who’s minds are filled with visions of grandeur.  As two years have passed, God knows how many generations of cockroaches would have heard this story by now and what area will his generations would have spread. Probably a whole lot of Pindi but also Lahore because some could have married outside the family. Because why not. That lying scum will be a legend by now and this summer generation of cockroaches will be dreaming of one day brushing against a human’s toe and living to tell the tale. I probably should have killed him. But what’s done is done. Just beware of your toes the next time you hop into shower, specially if you live in Pindi or nearby. Laters 🙂

Double Standards

They expect us to follow in our assignments every schematic detail they can. Font size 11, double spacing, Times New Roman, titles bold, pages marked, margins drawn, word count and everything they can come up with, while year after year they teach from the same ppt slides, never caring to even align some text, let alone make them aesthetically appealing or other things like following a built-in theme for once and sticking with it for at least a few slides. Its like each slide is its own abstract art of different colored boxes and text/equations floating around in free space. Four years. Four years I have been in this God forsaken place and not one teacher has ever presented from a properly arranged slide. I can’t study from these without going thought emotional torment. So I align them before I start and it only takes a few minutes. Will it kill them to do it on their own? For the future of mankind I can give them my edited versions but the question is how to do it without saying, ‘your presentations suck. Here take mine instead.’ This is hopeless. Laters 🙂

Spring Collections

There must be an issue with the multiverse. Mahira Khan was not supposed to be considered a good actor by any standards of the infinite universes. Yet here she is pretending to be a super star, popping up in every pointless TVC ever. “Kapray humaray liay kia kuch kartay hain, hum inn k liay kia kartay hain?” Kill me if this isn’t lame. All she can do is make a cry face without actually crying, that she’s been doing since Humsafar. If this is good acting then Pakistani dramas are overflowing with it. Anyway taking today about these kapray that do so much for us. On my way uni I’ve been counting billboards for a couple of days (because I am cool like that) and here’s the ad situation from Saddar to Defense Gate 3.

Amazon Mall-5, GulAhmed-4, Firdous-4, Khaadi-4, Ethnic (Outfitters)-4, Nishat-4, J.-3, AlKaram-3, Stylo Shoes-3, Sana Safinaz-2, Bonanza-2, Zara’s (Ittehad) -1, Maria.B-1, Servis-1

I may have missed a few but notice a pattern here. The clothing brands have taken over the billboard game with their spring collections. Every brands wants more eyes on their ad while trying to balance the count with their competitors if not top it. I have not seen a billboard war so fierce since the Paint ad wars of 2014. Allah save Pindi. First the schools and beauty parlors, and now boutiques are opening in every corner. (No rhyme intended) If monsoon does not flood this city first, these ads will. Or may be I am over reacting.

BTW what’s with this new brand, Muzlim? More like Mulzim…get it? Sigh. God I am funny. Tears. Laters 🙂

Saturdays I tell you

Today’s Saturday was a working day and I already hate Sundays so basically weekend ruined. Only thing vaguely interesting that happened today was this. We were making assignment in class when a friend asked: humm 3:30. kya time hai tumaray pas?
Me: aah. (take out phone) 3:30 hee hai
X: nai, I mean time hai tumaray pas?
Me: gharee? Nai
X: Nai, time. Time hai tumaray pas?
Me: kia? keh jo raha hu nai hai
X: farig time. Fee ho?
Me: abi tak tou free tha
So this is why kids they tell you not to go school on a Saturday. Later 🙂