Double Standards

They expect us to follow in our assignments every schematic detail they can. Font size 11, double spacing, Times New Roman, titles bold, pages marked, margins drawn, word count and everything they can come up with, while year after year they teach from the same ppt slides, never caring to even align some text, let alone make them aesthetically appealing or other things like following a built-in theme for once and sticking with it for at least a few slides. Its like each slide is its own abstract art of different colored boxes and text/equations floating around in free space. Four years. Four years I have been in this God forsaken place and not one teacher has ever presented from a properly arranged slide. I can’t study from these without going thought emotional torment. So I align them before I start and it only takes a few minutes. Will it kill them to do it on their own? For the future of mankind I can give them my edited versions but the question is how to do it without saying, ‘your presentations suck. Here take mine instead.’ This is hopeless. Laters 🙂

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Saturdays I tell you

Today’s Saturday was a working day and I already hate Sundays so basically weekend ruined. Only thing vaguely interesting that happened today was this. We were making assignment in class when a friend asked: humm 3:30. kya time hai tumaray pas?
Me: aah. (take out phone) 3:30 hee hai
X: nai, I mean time hai tumaray pas?
Me: gharee? Nai
X: Nai, time. Time hai tumaray pas?
Me: kia? keh jo raha hu nai hai
X: farig time. Fee ho?
Me: abi tak tou free tha
So this is why kids they tell you not to go school on a Saturday. Later 🙂

Why we don’t bleed green anymore?

This post is mostly me feeling bad for myself after seeing that my brother still has our old national flags and badges in a locket box which he opened yeserday (it being 1st August) and now I am trying to prove that I was not always a soulless person that I am today.

Hope you will agree that we all had a very patriotic childhood and will relate to the experience. I grew up in a pro-army family and being pro-army Pakistani means Pakistan before everything. I remember when we were kids my brother and I used to wait for Independence Day, Defense Day and Pakistan Resolution Day as much as we did for any of the Eids. We were about 5 when we bought a tape recorder. We used to love this show on PTV “Aik Parchum Kay Neechay” that played national songs on pouplar demand. People could call and request for a song. We recorded dozens of songs on top of the cassettes our cousins stole from uncle’s collection. Every 14th August, 6th September and 23 March we and our cousins used to get on the top of our village house and play these songs. There was no way to reach the top so we used to lift an iron ladder which was a little more than two stories tall. We still have it and a grown man can barely lift it but somehow me, my brother and three little girls (4yo cousin and 3yo cousin and sister) were able to lift it and place it right. National flags were seperate for both houses so it was a competition but rest of the decoration and celebration was done at our house. Our father was cool to buy us these thing and he was the reason we considered it an eid like event. Our uncle used to give us 10Rs each which was plenty for a non-eidi at that time. In the moring we would put on white sharwar-kamiz and our sister and cousins would borrow green dupattas for the day from mother or aunts. Put on our badges and watch the changing of guards or the air show on TV. Then we would sing national anthum in front of the flag on the top roof. There were speeches by each, which at that time we all used to love because our aunt was also our english teacher at school and she pushed us to take part in every speech/debate competition very early. Rest of the day was spent playing with firecrackers or watching TV specials that PTV used to make for such occasions back in the days. Like tele films on the lives of our war heroes on 6th september or any historic short drama series about making of Pakistan that was played in parts whole day. And we were not the only ones. All our friends were doing the same and when we return to school everybody wanted to prove they had the best celebration. But all that is in the past now. The generation that came a decade after us think of these days as a just a holiday and we are to blame.

My brother tries to make sure our cousins grow up in the same patriotic enviroment that we grew in, specially when our media is always talking about the negativities of our country in the name of true journalism. We have 11 cousins below age 5 who all come to village during holidays like we do because our grand parents live there. Now the ceremony is short but he gives everyone badges and they sing national anthum in front of the flag. No one is particularly excited except for the excitement of getting shiney badges. Also there are no patriotic TV specials anymore although now we have 20 Pakistani tv channels. The flag is the only tradition we are still keeping and the least I can do this August is buy a bigger flag and add my share to his collection, which I will be doing today.

Later then. Love Pakistan and remember, no matter how bad the times may seem and no matter what happens Pakistan is our home and there is no power except Allah that can undo Pakistan. May Allah lead it to greatness and it breaths till eternity.

Bring-your-umbrella-to-school Day

After my trust in Bing weather was completely lost, came the day when my mother believed it for the first time. “Aaj dow bajay barish hai, chatri laay k jana.”  I tried to reason with her. Told her how Bing weather is the reason for trust issues worldwide. ‘But the power of the mother could not be undone’. At univ it started raining and I realised that this might be the first time I have ever brought an umbrella to university, school or anywhere. I realised wrong. It felt odd. and the fact that most of the girls had umbrellas with them, only made it worse. (There were boys with umbrellas too, but we only see what we think we see.) After it stopped raining, I tried to walk with my umbrella like 70s British gentlemen did with sticks. People could easily have confused it with Charlie Chaplin walk. After an hour of swishing, flicking, spinning and balancing, I gave it to a friend to hold for a sec. As he took it in his hand, something took over him, (maybe the strong will of umbrella to be played with). He opened it up and tried to do a dance step. He might be doing Rihanna’s Umbrella dance, but from where I stand it looked like a 10yo loosing control over umbrella in strong wind and falling.

 

Umbrella Racism

Umbrella is one of those inventions that are so commonly used, yet never fully given credit for. Trains for example. There are movies, poems , songs about them. On the other hand what movies have done is promote Umbrella racism. No 80s themed movie is complete without a rainy scene with dozens of black umbrellas but not a single coloured one. We have a yellow umbrella but it’s a banana joke to other umbrellas. PinkUmbrellaRightsOrganization is not one bit happy with this discrimination towards their colourful community.

I almost forgot the moment of the day.

CVT Teacher: Who’s umbrella is this?

Me: Mine!

Teacher: It’s a little… feminine.

Me: Not really mine.

The Dilemma of my life

Someone wrote a book; “The Dilemma of life”, but mine is not worth that much so I will just sum it up in just a blog post. Starting with making the fact clear that I am not one of those people who everyone loves. My mother thinks I am the most laziest person alive and that all the kids in our lane are somehow better than me. No objection.

My parents let me decide what I want to do with my life. As I grew up breaking my toys and trying to make something new out of them, (although it never worked) I thought I will make a good engineer. But actually I am just good at breaking stuff (or loosing) *specially loosing)When it comes to losing stuff, I am gifted at it. And with time I have mastered this art to perfection. Forget the long lists of past, just last semester I lost my phone (which was a gift), my jacket (only once worn) and a backup flash drive, in the same week. Not to mention 1 pen every second day as a standard loss rate. Due to this habit of mine I expect my father to tell me to leave the house every next time. I am living in this house on last chances.

Teachers’ first impression of me is of an intelligent nerd, which I am not, so I screw their expectations ‘big time’. Don’t listen to what they say and write blogs about them. Thus in a few months they hate me ‘big time’.

The neighbours on our right have a cat. It stares at me for hours (but I am too lazy to shuussh it away.) It wants to attack my face. I have white fur, green eyes and claws in my nightmares.On the opposite side live the neighbors with dogs. Their dogs have eyes on me. It’s funny that these two foes live in the same lane in harmony. What units them is their common hatred for me. Once the boy was telling me that his dog had a dream last night of chewing my leg. *Yes his dogs can actually speak to him. (or at-least I think so).

My younger brother (age 11) blackmail me to do his homework. Girls hate me. They have every reason to. Dumb luck happens with me so many times that friends think I ditch plans on purpose. In a nutshell, this world can’t handle me. Who likes a self obsessed person who is more virtually alive than really. Who watch humans by day and TV series of ‘goras’ by night.

This world is nuts. I bet you, if aliens ever come to Earth, they will take me away, because I am the only sensible person here. Plus I is not suited for a planet like this, so primitive. *We could be great but unfortunately our scientist never invented anything that might actually help people. Like something that helps us downloads the whole school curriculum into our brains. But we can only wish.

Yet after all this, I have a fast and perfectly working internet connection and in the end that’s what matters in life. Download speed is enough to keep me alive. And then people say I don’t have a life. My life is perfect. Go fix yours.

For those who don’t read my blogs and tells me to quit being awesome; on your face people. I am awesome, was awesome and will stay awesome.

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Finals coming up. You may not hear (::read) from me for a month from now. Itna mai parnay wala, but I will just give the impression that I am so into parhai.

Later perhaps. Stay awesome and enjoy your summer break. *crying from inside*